


Beginnings (The past is in the past)

by littlejennywren



Category: Frozen (2013), Kristanna - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Minor Character Death, descriptions of birth, descriptions of pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 09:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3564812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlejennywren/pseuds/littlejennywren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kristoff longs to find the answer to why his parents didn't want him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beginnings (The past is in the past)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to frozenmusings (from tumblr) for letting me use the name Gidda.
> 
> Trigger warnings for mentions of pregnancy, birth and a minor character death.

They sat side by side at the library table, Anna's chair pulled up close to Kristoff's so that she could hold his hand while they read. 

Rain pelted against the windows and the wind rattled them but Anna couldn't have felt more cosy if she tried. The fire in the hearth was roaring and the candles, illuminating the large books in front of them, flickered and danced and cast a warm orangey glow across the pages. 

"So, we've gone through about," he used his fingers to count, "two hundred years so far?"

"Yeah! But we can trace our bloodline back _way_ further than that," she shrugged. "I guess it's easy when you're a royal. People want to write about you."

She pulled at the thick woollen blanket that was draped across both their shoulders, drawing it closer to keep warm, and watched as Kristoff carefully looked over the largest of the old tomes - Arendelle's Royal Family Tree - spanning over seven hundred and fifty years.   
They had finally got to "the good part", as Anna called it - King Harald II - Anna's grandfather.   
Kristoff knew him only by his portrait, which hung in the dining room above the fireplace. He had the same blue eyes as his granddaughters but a stern demeanour. He made Kristoff nervous. He'd had nightmares of the old king crawling down from the painting and giving him a good telling off for courting his one of his beloved granddaughters before having him beheaded for treason. 

"He wasn't really that serious," Anna assured him. "I don't really remember him but Elsa says he used to love playing games with us when we were little."

"Must be nice," Kristoff said half to himself.

"Hmm?" She asked but continued scanning the page. 

"Knowing where you're from. Knowing about the past." He was never really bothered about his family, his real family, but something about seeing Anna's got under his skin. Why had his parents left him at the orphanage? Why didn't they want him? Did he have any brothers or sisters? He supposed that after all these years it didn't really matter but he still wondered. 

"Have you ever looked?" He could tell she was choosing her words carefully. They had never talked bout his real parents before in much detail and she was unsure if it was a sensitive subject. 

"Once, a few years ago." At age sixteen, during a market day, Kristoff looked through the old records in the town hall. His terrible literacy skills meant he couldn't read all the information properly but what he did find was his exact birth date (a fact he had only guessed at previously). "There wasn't any information about my parents. It didn't even say where I was born."

"Well...," she paused to think of how best to broach the subject before sighing and wincing as she said her next words. "The orphanage might know. Do you want to maybe... perhaps... Well you don't _have_ to but... uh..." She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut. "Do... you want to go and have a look?"

He laughed bitterly. He _hated_ that place. He ran _away_ from that place. Just the thought of going back made his stomach twist. 

"Kristoff?" She gently placed her hand over his and squeezed. "I'm sure they keep records. There might be something about you. Wouldn't it be nice to at least know who your parents were? You might still have family somewhere!"

He should have said no. Should have. But Anna had that look in her eye and a firm grip on his arm and he heard himself say yes. 

~~~~

Three days later, after letters had been exchanged between the palace and the orphanage and a meeting arranged, Anna and Kristoff were sitting quietly side by side again.   
The little two seater carriage bounced and swayed as it made its way through the town and out into the forrest. The large fjord horses that pulled them snorted and strained as the angle of the terrain began to increase. The rain from the previous few days made the ground slippery and the wheels churned up mud and mulchy leaves struggling for purchase. 

"Not too much further now," the driver shouted back to them. Anna was sure he intended it as a reassurance but it just made her anxious. Kristoff was silent, no doubt feeling worse than she did but giving nothing away, except his hand was clammy around hers. She had insisted he didn't let go, so he didn't. 

After a few minutes the tree line thinned and a large grey building loomed into view.

Strøm Abby. 

Older than the palace and most of Arendelle town, the Abby and it's surrounding land was the original site of the city before its inhabitants moved nearer to the fjords for fishing. Now all that was left was this place and a few disused buildings, practically ruins now. 

The little carriage rolled smoothly across the shale path towards the entranceway where two nuns stood waiting patiently. 

They lurched to a halt and the driver hopped down and pulled the door open for them. 

Anna tried to move but Kristoff's hand held her fast. She turned to look at him and noticed for the first time the stiffness in his shoulders and how his eyes seemed to stare straight ahead as if he was unaware they had reached their destination. He seemed okay earlier that morning and even as their journey began but now he looked almost scared.

"...Kristoff?" She searched his face for a flicker of something - anything - but he was as hard and cold as the stone building before them. 

The driver cleared his throat timidly and offered his hand to the princess. 

"Okay... Well I'm getting out now..." She hesitated for a moment before sliding from her seat onto the little steps and down, her shoes making a satisfying crunch on the shale. The noise, and loss of her warmth against his arm caused Kristoff to break from whatever weird trance he was in. He blinked a few times before squeezing himself out of the little doorway. As soon as his feet touched the floor he reached for her hand and held it tightly in his clammy one again. 

The two nuns trotted forward and curtsied before them. "Welcome your Royal Highness and Master Bjorgman," they cooed in unison. "Right this way please." Turning and heading back up the steps to the large oak doors they led the couple into the abby. 

The interior of the building was much colder than outside to Anna's surprise and she shivered, pressing closer to Kristoff. The abby was plane, no paintings or rugs or rosmaling, just hard stone floors and bare brickwork.

The two nuns remained silent as they led them through a maze of small, dark corridors and Anna started to feel slightly uneasy. Why was it kept so miserable in here? Where were the windows or any sources of light? The lanterns along the walls were unlit and looked as if they were rarely used.

Eventually they passed through a small doorway, the nuns unlocking and re-locking the door as they passed through. They were now stood in what appeared to be a foyer, much lighter than the rest of the building but it only highlighted the dirt and grime tucked into every crevice and crack they laid eyes on.

The thing that shocked Anna most, however, were the children - all lined up in front of them. Not many, perhaps twenty or so, all different ages but all thin and dirty and dishevelled. It looked like they had tried to clean them up, the girls had their hair braided and the boys were wearing little grey jackets but there was still something off looking about them.

"Hello," Anna tried, her voice sounded more sure than she felt.

"Hello," the children echoed, some staring at them, others shuffling about and looking at the floor. 

She glanced up to Kristoff and felt her heart shatter. He was staring wide-eyed at the children, his mouth a hard line. He looked completely panicked and his hand held onto hers in an almost crushing grip. 

In another lifetime he had been one of these children, unwashed and unloved. She was beginning to understand why he ran away.

"They wanted to welcome you ma'am," one of the nuns chirruped before pausing for a moment, a nervous smile on her face and her arms outstretched. "Now this way, if you please." And they were off again, sidestepping the little group of orphans as they went.

The hairs on the back of Anna's neck stood on end as dozens of curious little eyes followed them as they retreated down the hall. The children didn't look like they wanted to welcome them, it kind of looked like they had no choice, forced into smart clothes - the sort that were only worn when a potential family came to visit. 

The corridor seemed never ending as they twisted and turned into what surely must have been nearly the centre of the building. They came to an abrupt halt in front of a large oak door. 

"One moment please," one of the nuns muttered before disappearing into the room shutting the door firmly behind her. 

Anna wasn't sure where to look so she studied the door for a while then the floor and her shoes, then Kristoff's shoes - she couldn't bring herself to look at his face. 

"So..." she cleared her throat. "How many children do you have here?" Small talk was good. It might at least break the tension. 

"We have eighteen little waifs in our care, ma'am." The nun refused to make eye contact.

Anna tried to reply. She nodded and made an "oh" shape with her mouth but no sound came out. She studied her shoes again. 

The door suddenly swung open without warning making all three of them jump. 

"Mother Superior will see you now."

The nun that had been standing with them curtsied and disappeared back down the hall while the other led them through into what appeared to be a large office. It was filled with books and ornaments, the walls covered in crucifixes and portraits of old, long-deceased nuns and priests. The room was spotless compared to the rest of the abby, the floor carpeted and plush embroidered chairs sat facing a large oak desk. 

And behind the desk sat Mother Superior. 

In many ways she reminded Anna of her sister - back ramrod straight, hands resting elegantly one on top of the other against the desk, an air of power and confidence radiated from her - but that was where it ended. Her face was stern and hard, her eyes sharp and unforgiving. Anna felt herself shrink down. 

Mother Superior stood and offered her hand and a tight smile. "Welcome to Strøm, Your Highness." A greeting to Kristoff was ignored, although she did shake his hand. She motioned them to sit so they did. 

The old nun moved around the shelves behind her lifting papers and books and setting them on the desk. The couple stayed silent, watching her. Anna was completely at a loss for words. Nothing could be said to make this situation less difficult so she decided to say nothing at all. Finally Mother Superior sat and turned some papers towards them. 

"So Mr Bjorgman," she peered at him over the rim of her spectacles, "you're wanting to know of your family?"

It took him a moment, his gaze slowly lifting from his lap to meet the old nun. "Yes, Reverend Mother."

For once his deep rumble of a voice sounded distant and soft and hesitant. It was the first time he had spoken since they left the palace. 

"In that case you'll be pleased to know that we have managed to find your records from the information you provided in your letter." Pushing a worn leather bound book at him she leaned over and pointed to a line about half way down one of the pages. "Here. This is you."

_Kristoff_ | _Male_ | _9lb 6_ | _Gidda Bjorgman (Deceased)_

He hesitantly scanned the line over and over, repeating her name back to himself, committing it to memory, until his eyes flicked towards Anna. His face remained emotionless but Anna could see the sadness there, not quite hidden. 

"Can you..." _read it?_ She wasn't sure if he understood until he nodded slowly. 

"...deceased," He murmured, looking back to the word on the page. Anna wanted to hug him, to hold him as close and as tightly as she could, but that would be improper given their current location so she settled for placing her hand over his and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Here." Mother Superior handed him another book. "We keep a diary of all the births in the Abby. Not many mind you but it happens occasionally."

"Wait! I was born here?" 

The old nun did no more than tap the page, urging him to read. 

The writing was messy and Anna struggled to read it from her place beside him. Blotchy ink covered some letters and the writing was swirly and cramped and mostly faded. Kristoff spent a frustrated minute looking at the letters, willing them to make sense before passing the book to Anna with a shake of his head. "I-I can't..." 

Even after all the lessons Elsa had provided, all the tireless hours he had spent studying late into the night, his reading skills, especially where other people's handwriting was concerned, were still poor. 

The book was heaver than she expected so she rested it awkwardly in her lap. She began to read out loud - "Labour began Thursday evening. Given water and sent to bed. Sister Agata woken before sunrise. Contractions less than five minutes apart. Fever and blood loss." Anna paused then, looking at Kristoff. Dread settled heavily in her stomach and she wondered if he wanted her to read on. She wondered if she _could_ read on. This was going to be a description about her death as much as it was about his birth. He nodded his consent, eyes closed and brows knitted together. 

She took a deep breath. "The girl would not quiet - screaming and shouting. We moved her to the back bedroom so as not to scare the children. Labour was fast. Baby here 2.26pm. Chord wrapped around the neck." Her eyes scanned the next line and Anna's eyes filled with tears, her mouth stopped working. She looked to Mother Superior and shook her head. Passing the book to her outstretched hand the Sister continued where Anna left off. 

"Pliers used. The girls fever spiked and we were unable to stop the blood. Chord removed and baby resuscitated. Healthy cry and strong movement. Mother passed on at 2.40pm". She looked to Kristoff then with a somber expression. 

"Kristoff. I'm so sorry," Anna sobbed, her hands coming up to cover her mouth. She so desperately wanted to be strong for him and let him have his time to grieve. The tears were a mix of sadness and frustration for letting her emotions take control. 

"And... my father?" He struggled to get the words out. "Do you know anything?"

"I'm afraid not. We only have records for your mother."

Kristoff let out a heavy breath and quickly rubbed at his eyes. "It's okay. I'm okay," he soothed. Anna was so angry at herself. She should have been comforting him not the other way around. "The Sister that was mentioned - Agata - is she still here? Could I talk to her?"

The nun smiled at the two of them. It sat uncomfortably on her face but seemed genuine. "Before I was known as Mother Superior my name was Agata. I knew your mother and I helped you into this world."

"Can-" Anna hiccuped, "can we ask you about her?"

"Of course. Although I must tell you that I do not know much of her past, only what happened while she lived here and only what she told me."

Kristoff was silent for a long moment as he figured out what he wanted to ask, eventually nodding to himself. "Start from the beginning. I want to know everything."

"Very well, although you must understand this is something I haven't thought about in a long time and sometimes time and age can cloud the memory." She leaned back, resting her elbows on the arms of the chair. "Your mother arrived at the Abby late one night. There was a terrible storm and she was soaked to the bone and heavily pregnant. I wasn't sure but I think she had been travelling for days, perhaps weeks, before finding us here. She was very sick. We asked her about family but she said she had none. As it turned out, once they found out about her pregnancy she was disowned, thrown out onto the street. You see Mr Bjorgman she couldn't have been more than seventeen although she never told us for certain." 

Kristoff reeled back slightly, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline but he stayed silent. 

"She was with us for three weeks before she went into labour. In that time I got to know her well, or as well as I could have under the circumstances. She was always so guarded.." 

She paused as she thought for a moment, lost in an old memory.

"She said the man she loved disappeared as soon as she told him of the pregnancy. He worked as a fisherman in Trondheim and your mother thought he may have left on one of the trawlers. By the sounds of it he was much older and promised her the world. He broke her heart."

"So my mother was from Trondheim then?" Kristoff asked.

"It's likely. She certainly wasn't from Arendelle and the clothes she wore were expensive. I'm guessing she was from wealth. The family mustn't have wanted such shame brought upon them."

"That's terrible. She was so young." Anna's heart broke for the woman who would have been her mother-in-law. "She must have been so scared."

The Reverend Mother nodded.

"She talked of joining us, once she'd given birth. She wanted to devote her life to God, to ask for his forgiveness. She wanted her child to serve the church also. Your name _means_ to bare Christ. Tell me, are you a man of God Mr Bjorgman?"

Kristoff shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Uh... no. No I'm not."

Mother Superior sniffed and decided to carry on, ignoring his comment.

"As you read her labour was difficult. She was already ill and the hours she spent bringing you into the world took too much toll on her body. There was nothing I could do. We spent time trying to find traces of her family to see if there was anyone we could return you to but there was nothing."

Kristoff took a moment to process the story while Anna continued to cry silently behind her hands. 

"May I ask a question about you?" The Reverend Mother looked at Kristoff.

"Is this about me running away by any chance?" The hint of a smile playing on his lips as the old nun nodded. "Well... I was unhappy and, uh, I... I guess I wanted something more. I mean, no offence, but this place isn't exactly... Y'know?" He trailed off.

"I never thought we'd see you back here. A boy as young as you were was unlikely to survive."

"Yeah," he rubbed at the back of his head nervously. "I was found and t-taken in by... uh... someone. I was lucky."

"That isn't luck, Mr Bjorgman. You may not have faith in God but he clearly has faith in you." Anna hoped he wouldn't roll his eyes at the comment.

"Right!" Mother Superior changed the subject with a clap of her hands. "Unfortunately I have much to do before the day is at an end but I have one last thing to show you. Your mother was laid to rest within our grounds. Would you like to go there?"

"Please," they answered in unison.

They were shown back through the orphanage, the children now spread between rooms - some playing, others learning. Anna got the impression the nuns didn't want them to have too much interaction. Probably because they weren't being properly cared for. 

Outside in the grounds they spotted a few of the older children helping tend the gardens. Mother Superior explained to them that the Abby was self sufficient, growing all their own vegetables and keeping chickens and pigs for meat. Any charitable donations to them had dried up long ago. The people of Arendelle had forgotten about the Abby just like the children it held inside. Anna made a silent promise to herself and Kristoff that things here would change. Once they returned to the palace she could speak with Elsa about setting up a charity and making a sizeable donation.

Kristoff didn't seem to be listening to the Reverend Mother, his vision fixed on a large cast iron archway that led into the graveyard. The grass here was much longer and more unkept than the rest of the grounds which Anna thought was unusual. 

Mother Superior led them down a narrow pathway to a small headstone, stopping a short distance away. "I'll leave you for now. Spend as much time as you like here. I'll have your carriage waiting when you're ready to go."

"Thank you," Anna said as she shook the Nun's hand. 

"Yeah, thank you," Kristoff repeated. "And thank you for the care you showed my mother."

"It was my pleasure. I'm just sorry there was nothing to be done." With that she turned and made her way back to the Abby.

Standing for a moment, hand in hand, they surveyed their surroundings. It was peaceful here, the only noise coming from the birds chirruping from the trees.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" Anna nodded and stepped back a little. She watched him as he tentatively moved forward pausing as he reached the faded headstone. 

She knew this feeling oh so well - standing at a parents grave. A familiar ache weighed down in her chest. Her parents funeral had been the worst day of her life and she remembered standing on that hillside cold and alone, the large, intricately carved stones merely for show. Perhaps Kristoff could take some comfort in the fact that his mother had been properly laid to rest. 

He dropped to his knees heavily, pulling at the weeds and grass around the headstone. A thin vine of ivy that wound its way up and around the stone, obscuring her name, was snapped and pulled from the ground at the root. Taking a handkerchief from his pocket, one Anna had gifted him for Christmas the year before with his initials embroidered into it, he rubbed at the dirt until the engravings were clean. 

From where she stood she could just about hear the cadence of Kristoff's voice. She wondered if he was talking to his mother or perhaps offering a prayer. She knew he wasn't a religious man but the trolls had raised him with a deep respect for nature and creation and they had their ceremonies just like the church did. 

"Anna," he said, turning and stretching a hand out towards her. 

Gathering her skirts up she picked her way through the tall grass between the graves. Taking his hand she knelt beside him. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." He placed a chaste kiss against her temple. "I'm just sad for her. She never got to live a life."

"We should come back with flowers sometime," Anna offered. 

"I'd like that."

They sat in a comfortable silence as Kristoff traced his fingers across the letters carved into the stone. 

"Let's go home," he smiled at her. Anna stood and brushed down her skirt. Kristoff leaned forward and placed a kiss against the headstone whispering something just low enough under his breath that Anna couldn't hear - his goodbye. They'd be back, of course, but he had finally made peace with his past. 

~~~~

"C'mon, cmon, cmon," she yelled, pulling him along excitedly. He struggled to run as her long white wedding gown billowed behind her catching against his feet.

Skidding to a halt in front of the library door Kristoff had to jump to avoid stepping on her train. 

"Okay! You ready?" Anna bounced up and down on her toes. 

"Ready for...?" He was completely perplexed. 

"Your wedding present, silly! Well it's not your _main_ present but it's _really_ cool!" Her smile was infectious and he felt the grin spread across his face. 

"Show me."

Throwing the doors open she dragged him over to a glass case sitting neatly between two large triangular windows. Inside sat the old book they had read through a few months before - The Royal Family Tree. 

Tapping the glass and pointing to a freshly inscribed section she looked at him expectantly. 

Peering down he read Anna's name, written in the book upon her birth.

_Princess Anna Linnea Siggunnr Maud_

A line from her name lead down to fresh ink.

_Prince Consort Kristoff_

His eyes widened in realisation. "Wait, I'm _in_ this?!" 

"We're a family, Kristoff." She took his left hand and placed hers over it, their shiny new wedding bands glinting in the candlelight. "I know we're a bit... unconventional - I mean we have an ice queen, a snowman, a reindeer and a bunch of trolls as part of it but," she moved his hand to rest over her heart and held it there, "as far as families go I think this one is pretty perfect."

He looked up into his new wife's beautiful blue eyes, shining with so much love. He saw his future in them, his happiness. "I think so too."


End file.
